Can you believe I've been in Italy for two weeks!?!! I talked to Mother On on the phone today and she can't believe that I'm still alive. Gotta love the phone calls home!! Anywhoooo I really want to talk about my Florence in the Cinema class because I lowkey love it...even though it was my last choice. I think it was meant to be that I ended up in this class because it's different. We learn about Italian cinema, american and british influence in Florence Cinema and we watch all these movies that take place in Florence. It's not just a cinema class though, the best way I can describe it..it's kinda like a self discovery/self help class- it's a pretty hippie class hahaa. One of our required reading books is about finding yourself and the creative inner child inside you. I know at first I was kinda skeptical about this too....but you get out what you put in right?!
Speaking of getting out what you put in... we have these "assignments" that are called "artists days" where you pretty much venture out and discover yourself. I know all of this sounds like some cheesy bullshit hahaha but what better place than Firenze to do some self-discovery. After class this week I went to Piazza Michelangelo. This is a view that overlooks the entire city, the arno, the duomo, everything. This is my all time favorite view of the city and the place where I knew that I chose the right place to study abroad. So I grabbed my cola(no vino today) pen, paper, hiked up those steep hills and sat there writing and reflecting for about 3 hours. My professor would be so proud....
On the first day of class my professor asked each of us why we came to Florence. Obviously we all have our own reasons...some of us came for the good food,to escape their lives at home, the history buffs and their love for the renaissance, to drink wine and eat cheese , to find love, to find ourselves. I didn't really tell anyone I was study abroad or leaving until...like the week before hahaha but one of my best friends who's known since the beginning told me "Don't go looking for something Lin...." As if he knows me! But he actually does...pretty well... (only going to admit this here because I know he's not going to read this) He was absolutely right...I did come looking for something. But by being here... I know it's been 2 weeks(#florencesnob) I've realized that a lot of things don't matter...well i mean they matter..but all my petty problems seem so unimportant. Okay disclaimer...I didn't come to Florence to find love!!! But whenever a group of us girls are together with a bottle of Vino...the topic is inevitable which has led to a lot of reflecting on my part. Piazza Michelangelo can do that to you!
I've been in love twice...both questionable types of love. The "First Love" forces you to reflect on its authenticity..which honestly i'll admit I still do from time to time. I still question if it was REALLL love...or if it was just my stupid teenage fucked up version of it. It happened so rapidly and unexpectedly that it became intoxicating and suffocating. I was entrapped in a destructive romance and I didn't know how to escape it. I was so in love with the idea of love. Now as I look back in retrospect- I was def stupid LOL and "blinded by love" but there wasn't a time where I didn't feel like love wasnt the answer.
Then the second time...whoooo the second time. I didn't realize it until he was gone. He showed me genuine love that I should have never asked for. I refused to accept it because I was obviously immature and just a bitch..hahaha. So i abandoned it because i was afraid. Afraid to accept something and someone who had the power and potential to destroy me. I traded love (the one thing everyone would choose over 1 bajillion dollars) for cowardice.
Now I'm in Italy sitting on a terrance overlooking the city that people come to..to find love. I realized that I let go of both good and bad love. In the first relationship...destruction did not breed creation and in the second one my cowardness hindered growth. I've come to realize that I'm in love with the world around me. I'm not going all eat pray love I don't need a man, but I realized that we all have yet to be saved. And this savior...aka love..... can be anything that transforms our weaknesses into strengths. That can change our vices into virtues...
For me...it's travel. I am probably the youngest person in our program...but I feel like I've already experienced a quarter of the world (i know pretentious travel snob) but on the real.. the farther you go the more you grow and honestly sometimes you kinda just need to leave your comfort zone and discover yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment